The Mormon 500

So this weekend was pretty eventful. I took myself a 4 day weekend from the stress of work. Okay, so my job isn’t that stressful…but who couldn’t use a four day weekend, right? Friday was my mom’s birthday and so my parents made the loooooong trek from the far reaches of the badlands of New Mexico to Espanola. It’s only about a 6 hour drive but with long stretches of nothing broken up by little towns with nothing it feels like it’s at least a 3 day trip. On the plus side, you do go through Roswell and the McDonald’s is built like a spaceship!
So, it was a birthday weekend extravaganza…which we celebrated by going stake conference. I’m not exactly sure when it happened but somewhere along the way I apparently became an adult. I realized this while at the “adult” session of stake conference on Saturday night. I live now in the same ward and consequently in the same stake I grew up in. People actually come and shake my hand like they know me…separate from my parents. Totally weird! I don’t feel like I should be hobnobbing with the grown-ups but I find myself in that situation over and over again. I told my mom that I’m not a grown-up I just play one at church.
Sunday morning we were on our way again to conference and that is when the race is really on!! THE MORMON 500!!!! Okay, so it generally takes about 45 minutes to drive to our stake building from our house. There are several other wards coming from the same direction to descend early on the sleepy city of Santa Fe. It’s really surprising the speed and agility of those Mormons. And they usually pretend they don’t see or recognize you (even though you just saw them at Sam’s club the night before yesterday’s conference). I think I actually saw a guy wearing driving gloves! It really is like being in a race for your life…your celestial life! The race begins at least a half hour before conference actually begins. I assume the reasoning for the race has to do with the limited number of cushioned pews at the church. As one missionary put it, it is the celestial section of conference. The atmosphere is more subdued (I’m not sure if its reverence or smugness over the fact that these people get to be the cushion sitters….as you can tell I wasn’t celestial material). The next group of course is the terrestrial section. (I always seem to land in this group) Just past the pews it’s the few rows that still try to maintain some semblance of reverence while sitting uncomfortably on folding chairs in the gym. The decibel level is just a bit higher than the celestial sitters and it’s a lot easier not to pay so much attention to the speakers…they definitely can’t see you as well when you accidentally nod off anyway…as long as you don’t fall off your metal folding chair. The last section of course is the telestial group. This is the group that doesn’t even try to pretend that they aren’t sitting on metal at the back of a gym. They carry on conversations, color, play games and spread out on the floor for nap time…this is the adults of course. This is usually the general area where, during a prayer you hear a loud thud and then crying come from (those badminton games sure can get out of hand). There of course is the outer darkness group who sit in the kitchen making lunch instead of even coming into the same room as actual conference.
Well, I made it though another round. It’s time again to start my training for the next go round of the Mormon 500. Maybe in 6 months I will actually make it to the celestial seating!